Harry Potter Jokes!

I write a lot of Harry Potter Jokes on my blog so now I can put them all in one place!

Whorey Potter and the Half-Blood Pimps.

(Source: radiobenji)

Gaddafi hasn’t gone in hiding, he disappeared after he tried to kill a baby.

“How do witches and wizards turn into lesbians?”

—   Pussyjuice Potion

Dolores Umbridge; ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Half-Toad.

“How do Ministry Aurors enjoy foreplay?”

—   With aurorl sex.

Concering this blog and the Harry Potter Facks blog.

This is aimed at the people who have been reblogging my stuff on these 2 blogs and abusing me/paying me out to their followers. If you don’t do this then this little speech isn’t aimed at you, however, as a disclaimer to these blogs, reading this may not hurt.

A lot of the jokes WILL be cheeky and borderline offensive. I WILL use colourful language or humour and you as the reader have two choices. And I will not apologise for being liberal with my humour.

You can learn to laugh at yourselves and life’s foibles OR you can reblog my stuff and accuse me of racism without having the balls to say it to my face.

Those who know me and follow my personal blog know one important thing about me: How much I love the WHOLE WORLD and the people in it- DESPITE ranting about it’s economical/sociological state on occasions. My blog is filled with foreign language music, which is more than I can say for the people who have recently accused me of racism. I am also a homosexual and therefore any “offensive to gays” jokes that people are saying I’m writing, are aimed squarely at MY community. Just because I am able to laugh at myself and you cannot do not think you can bring me down publicly and that I will sit back and take it. And anyways: SINCE WHEN DID I CALL YOU “STRAIGHTS”? We don’t, so call us “gays” and I’ll call you “the un-gays”. Basically I don’t appreciate the accusations by hypocrites besides the initial accusation.

I have also thought that race/nationality/skin colour is something to be proud of, not something to be so ashamed of you can’t have a laugh about your own accent or country or skin colour. Racism comes from HATRED, since when did loving accents mean hatred? 

Nothing in this world is funny. Which is why everything needs to be. And I’m not talking about laughing when someone gets cancer, I’m talking about making that cancer patient laugh to show they still can. Humour as healing. For there is a line with who your audience is/what’s said. But mainly I mean being able to laugh with ourselves, and not in a mockingly hateful way, but in an confident, comfortable way to show that we are proud of ourselves and strong enough to be the butt of a joke once in a while. For it’s a confident man who can be the butt of the joke but it’s the smart man who wrote it in the first place.

So, having said all this overly-gratuitous stuff which none of you probably have any idea about what I’m saying, then know this;

If you are EVER in ANY doubt about where my jokes are coming from (ignorance over education) just remember 2 things; A. I’m 15 years older (I’m 28) than most of my followers so if you have something to say; this isn’t high school, come and say it to me personally and respectfully and I will respect you back with an explanation. And B. If you think I’m racist or homophobic, then check out my personal blog and THEN make up your mind. I am a single gay father who is comfortable with my sexuality and I won’t have any PC wankers telling me that I am not allowed to be. If they are offended by something then that is their prerogative to learn not to be so sensitive in a world that, ultimately, will be mean and cruel and it’s jokes won’t be coming from the same place of ‘love’ that mine are.

Having said that, with such a great response to the core of my blog, the pressure is on for me to live up to the standard that has been set for me. By both you guys and I. I am lucky I don’t get stage fright.

The only thing I will apologise for is the fact that I have been brought to the point where I have felt the need to ruin this blog’s flow and justify my sense of humour when none of these people have had the common decency to check out to see if I am a racist, instead they have gone and advertised to their followers that I am so all those people will also immediately judge me, and quite frankly, ‘fair go’, ya know?

- radiobenji.tumblr.com

PS and none of the jokes, NONE of them are AVPM references, that was a tribute to Narnia and Narnia alone, so if you wanna talk about offensive, let’s go, bro.

(Source: harrypotterfacks)

Every time she fights with Ronald, Hermione visits her Dentist Father to fix her Gingervitis…

“What do you call a sick Dark Lord?”

—   Lord Coldemort.

J-Ro > J-Lo

The Weasleys are a talented magical family because Arthur and Molly split their sex up Seven ways. The only way to kill Great Aunt Muriel is to destroy the Seven Poorcruxes…

And so it came to pass, that JK Rowling opened up her little Pottermore website, and nobody left it, and everybody came to it. And she successfully took over the world, one fan-girl at a time.

(Source: radiobenji)

“What do you call Harry Potter Lego?”

—   Harry Blocker

In Australia, we refer to “Muggles” as “Bogans”.

Protect your Knuts…

Protect your Knuts…

(Source: radiobenji)